Six Months.

Half a year. Six months. 185 days.

Since I had my little man in my earthly life. My sweet Huddy Buddy. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the sun keeps coming up every day, which is so baffling. The grief has settled into my heart. Nightmares that Hudson is no longer with us, only to wake up and realize that nightmare is actuality. Now that the numbness has worn off, it's an even harder place to exist.

How I wish I could go back to the days before. Go back to May 7th. Less than 24 hours before I told some friends how I’d just felt so weary lately and I couldn’t catch up. (On keeping the house clean, the laundry, work, having time with Denver, school projects, birthday party planning.. You name it!) Man.. I’d go back to those weary, busy days in a second.

I’m so grateful to everyone who has loved us so well through this and pushed us to keep going, when we sure as heck haven't wanted to. A job has allowed me to step back a little bit to be able to spend more time with Caroline and figure out how to put one foot in front of other. For counselors that encourage us to take it day by day. For our friends and family. For those who send a really well-timed card (snail mail!). But six months have been much lonelier, even for someone who enjoys solitude like me.

That being said, I will tell you we’ve been keeping ourselves BUSY. And with some fun things! An amazing trip to ride side by sides to honor Hudson in Tennessee with so many people who loved him. Knowing the last time we were there was with him. Watching every Braves game and watching them to go the World Series.. What a dream! And going to a World Series game! That was the most incredible and emotional experience. (That was our last amazing memory with Hudson.. an awesome Braves Game!) We went to a concert last week. Awesome stuff! Our counselors have let us know that grief and joy can coexist. Hopefully we’ve been embracing that more lately.

I truly believe that Hudson made life here on earth so. darn. good. (For SO many, but especially for our family of 4.) I felt like we could conquer the world before this. Hence why this world feels a lot less “good” to me now. I’ve told many people that he was the best part of my day, every day. Aside from Denver, there’s no one else in this world that loved me more than Hudson. I miss that earthly love from my sweet boy.

“We spend so much time envisioning a future with one person, that when they’re gone it’s as if they took tomorrow with them.”

-Leo Christopher