Grace

To everyone who has shown me so much grace this past week, I want to say thank you.

Hudson should have turned 8 last Sunday! It was also 3 years since he went to heaven. My third mother’s day without him. I dread this week with every ounce of my being.

The waves of grief crashed like never before this week. We were able to sneak away to the beach for Huddy’s birthday again, which we were so so grateful for. I'd been so darn sick the week leading up to our trip, culminating with a wonderful sinus infection diagnosis and a round of antibiotics. (Thank you Lord!) So many of our friends and family came with us to celebrate him with us, but I'm ashamed to say I don't even remember the first day we were there because I was so sick. Said some big prayers to Jesus to let me feel better for my little man’s birthday!

Jesus came through. 🙌 I finally was on the mend and enjoyed a dinner at one of Huddy’s favorite spots with all his folks who ventured down. (Big shout out to big bro for bringing his whole family at the last minute!❤️) What a sweet night to remember our little man.

Thankfully the rest of the trip went off without a hitch and we were able to just remember all the great days with him.

But back to the grace. I just want to say thank you to everyone who reached out to us this week. I tried my darnest to respond to everyone, but I'm sure I missed a few. Thank you for reaching out. It means so much to us. There's no easier way than to say this week flat out sucks for us.

Thank you to those who reached out with Mother’s Day wishes, although few understand why I have an absolute distain for this day because of very bleak reasons. Let's just say, I wish no mother ever had to make the decisions I had to make, let alone on Mother’s Day.

We have felt so very loved this week and cannot thank everyone enough for that. From those who made the trek to the beach, to all the calls and texts, please know we truly appreciate it. Sometimes we’re really good at putting on happy faces, but still hurting so terribly.

I've spent three years worried about other peoples thoughts/feelings/opinions when it came to my (a Mother’s) grief, and just cannot keep doing it. So this is when I ask you for more grace than I've ever asked you before.

I am so incredibly blessed, but will forever have a Hudson sized hole in my heart. Nothing will ever be able to heal that for me. This alternate reality life is much less perfect than I could have ever imagined.